This word came up the other evening when Andrea and I helped to serve supper for the students. I was to dish up the rice and was shown to give one spoon of rice to each student. As Jeremy Clarkson would ask "How hard can it be?!" - well it was a tussle. Tussle as in a struggle, wrestling, going back and forth - I don't want to mess this up and run out of rice but surely a huge hungry missionary can't only have one normal spoon of rice. I started out by the book and then got a bit braver sneaking in a quick little extra, then I made the one spoon bigger and bigger. My supply of rice was disappearing rapidly and the thought of please explaining seemed so embarrassing. Then suddenly more hot rice appeared and now there was no holding back. With new confidence the portions were now substantially more generous and with the seconds policy in place I could redeem my meager servings to those first in the queue!
The rice drama was just a tiny storm in a teacup and other more significant tussles are going on down deep inside. So much internal shifting and rearranging has already taken place at this school. Hearing the stories of students, couples and families around us is so humbling and inspiring. Some have given up jobs, careers and even studies. A number including myself are waiting for the next step and the tussle rages concerning the choice of the seemingly wise (or more correctly "safe" option) or that outrageously insane one that burns inside of you. As we heard "Plan A is the only way, Plan B is not for me"
The tussle of humility continues - lowering yourself and preferring others - giving up your rights, your reputation, your accolades - basically dying to yourself. This going lower process is a work in progress and took an unusual metaphorical twist whilst sitting in class on my camp chair. The chair was rated for 80kg and I obviously had an under-inflated opinion of myself ( which could be called false humility) and needless to say my chair couldn't carry my weight. After two hours of sitting, my backside finally reached the floor - no crash, boom, bang but it was this gradual descent to hitting rock bottom as the plastic hinge slowly gave way. Here at Iris they say "Go Low and Go Slow" and it was if He graciously allowed me to slowly sink lower reaching ground level without exposing me to a humiliating comedown. He is ever so gentle, kind and faithful.
The rice drama was just a tiny storm in a teacup and other more significant tussles are going on down deep inside. So much internal shifting and rearranging has already taken place at this school. Hearing the stories of students, couples and families around us is so humbling and inspiring. Some have given up jobs, careers and even studies. A number including myself are waiting for the next step and the tussle rages concerning the choice of the seemingly wise (or more correctly "safe" option) or that outrageously insane one that burns inside of you. As we heard "Plan A is the only way, Plan B is not for me"
The tussle of humility continues - lowering yourself and preferring others - giving up your rights, your reputation, your accolades - basically dying to yourself. This going lower process is a work in progress and took an unusual metaphorical twist whilst sitting in class on my camp chair. The chair was rated for 80kg and I obviously had an under-inflated opinion of myself ( which could be called false humility) and needless to say my chair couldn't carry my weight. After two hours of sitting, my backside finally reached the floor - no crash, boom, bang but it was this gradual descent to hitting rock bottom as the plastic hinge slowly gave way. Here at Iris they say "Go Low and Go Slow" and it was if He graciously allowed me to slowly sink lower reaching ground level without exposing me to a humiliating comedown. He is ever so gentle, kind and faithful.
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| The collapse of my chair - going low slowly selfie |
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